The Lessons Betrayal Taught Me

My Last Relationship Taught Me A Lot…

It taught me not to ignore the signs or my own gut feelings. I learned how to love myself and not put anyone above my happiness or my dreams. Now I know my worth, I know what I want and need. To be sure, I won't settle for less again. I have no regrets, I needed to learn those lessons, however painful they were to learn.

Let me be clear, my Ex doesn’t get to take any of the credit for my hard fought emotional work, or my metamorphosis! I did this on my own. I am the one who entered into the “dark night of the soul” alone, and emerged, transformed. I could have chosen another outcome, but I didn’t. He has nothing to do with any of my choices, just like I have nothing to do with any of his choices. That is the gift and blessing of agency.

I am relieved that I don’t have the time, nor the energy, to think about him much these days, another gift resulting from my choices. When I do think of him, it is usually with some sort of sad variation of pity. He has lost so much more than I have even though me took everything from me.  And the worst part is that he did it to himself. Quite frankly, he doesn’t matter to me anymore, he has become irrelevant in my life. Someone once said that anger is the other side of love, and you don’t need to worry when someone is still angry with you, because it’s a sign they still care. It’s only when they reach apathy that you have to worry. That’s where I am. Apathy. I’m finally there, and it feels good to sense the chains of the emotions I had for him falling away.

I have no doubt that my current path will bring me complete healing, in time. I have already come so far from those first few weeks, where, on my knees at his feet, I begged a man who was completely unworthy of me, to take me back. The thought of it now is horrifying and, frankly, laughable! He should been the one begging me! Today, I have enough self respect to recognize my mistake and something I shall never do again. I also love myself enough to never give another person that kind of power over my happiness ever again. That power is firmly in my own hands! One day soon, I hope to show other betrayed women how to find this place a lot quicker than I did, and with more of their soul intact!

This poem, by Robert Frost, is one I have loved since I was in high school. It is more relevant to me now than it was then, and sums up so many of my feelings today…

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Article Originally Posted on July 2016